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What I Didn't See Made Me Proud

By Jeffrey Kerns, Ed.D., 02/09/16, 7:30PM MST


Here is a great article talking about behavior and resilience in action.

What I Didn't See Made Me Proud.


What I Didn't See Made Me Proud

Jeffrey Kerns, Ed.D.
Feb 8, 2016


As a father I am bursting with pride tonight after my daughter's volleyball tournament. The girls fought hard and gave their best. However, on this day the other team earned the hard fought victory.

I was/am bursting with pride even though I observed her getting benched for two rotations for not playing to her fullest potential. It was this benching that allowed her to demonstrate her true character, leadership, and commitment to the team.

She cheered for her teammates as enthusiastically on the sideline as she does on the court. She put the team goal of winning in front of her personal accomplishments. She demonstrated that what a leader contributes on the court is just as important as the emotional contribution from the sideline.

I know she wanted to be out there to prove she could do it, she wanted to earn the right to be on the court contributing to the team. Her competitive drive and intestinal fortitude was burning in her eyes as she waited for that opportunity to "prove it". As I watched her cheer, encourage, and remain fully engaged on the sidelines  she proved by her actions that she is willing to fulfill any role that is beneficial for the team. But then again, I expect to see those things from her.

However it was what I didn't see that made me extremely proud of her last night. I didn't see her pouting or secretly hoping her teammate would fail. I didn't observe her once question the coaches decision or claim it wasn't fair. I didn't see her mope between sets/games or hang her head in defeat. When she came back in I didn't see doubt, fear, or worry in her eyes. I didn't see her back down from her national champion competitors. I didn't see any hint of a behavior that would hurt the culture of the team.

Sometimes what a man doesn't see makes him prouder than what he does